Thank you, my ex

Penned by: Saranya Ramakrishnan

Hello Hardy,

Wondering if you should trash this e-mail straight away or read it before you trash it anyway? Please read it for the sake of our old times, just once more. I assure there will be nothing flinch-worthy in my mail, but you can expect lot of gratitude in it. Yes, GRATITUDE!

Today happens to be Valentine's Day. As I walked down the road to work this morning, I could not help but think about the countless beautiful walks we have had on this very road. How very melodramatic, you must think...But, if you remember our beginning, then you must also remember that you chose a vibrant Valentine's day morning to tell me you loved me, a good 4 years ago. You always remembered dates, occasions, special moments and made me bask in fragrant sunlight on all those days. Thank you for being thoughtful all the while...

You were always expressive. I was called the 'Ice-Queen' back then, but you came into my life and I watched the snow around me melt and fall like pearl drops. I learnt to laugh, I learnt the very essence of 'two to tango', I learnt to let my hair down when I was with you, I learnt that sitting on the beach sands and talking could be the closest thing you could do with your loved one, I learnt to unburden my  mind, I learnt a countless other things...What a solidarity champion you were! Thank you Hardy...

It seems like yesterday when you pushed me into writing. Always the 'hawk' , and never the one to miss a prospective opportunity, you saw the few but strong lines I wrote on our first couple-anniversary and ensured they did not rot with that paper. I always admired your self-confidence, but your motivation was at another level. We sacrificed one too many weekends so I could write for different magazines and contribute to technical papers. At that time, I did think it was strange that a man could be so on-point, careful with his moves and words, accurate most of the time, sacrificial when it needed to be. But, shouldn't I thank you for having been like that because you made 'writing' my life and my world. Thank you...

On those rare occasions that we took time off and went on long rides, I think you were at your creative best. I know I had pestered you one too many times about why you chose me when you had half the good-looking girls chasing you at work. And, I remember clearly that curvy smile and a taut silence followed by your words that were my life-strings all that time - "There's no one like you, Laurie. I want to walk with you all the way to the stars and back to the Earth again". Thank you for wanting to walk with me at that point in life...

Why then, I wonder, why did we fall apart? Was it the work assignment that took you overseas or my writing commitments that kept me travelling all around? Was it for the lack of trying on either sides for fear of being too 'pressurizing'? Was it because we were having days and nights at different times? Was it because our ego and too much tactfulness got the better of us when human emotions should have? When we decided to part ways, it was way too clean and polite...At that point of time, I marvelled about our sense of decency and efforts to keep things between us very neat. Hang on! Shouldn't I thank you now for not having brought up the word 'break-up' even after I put you through tumultuous pages of Whatsapp messages and then followed up with a fortnight of silence. What amazes me is we never fought or made up boisterously like how couples usually do. You always were very courteous, Hardy. Thank you...

The last two years have been an ocean of changes for me, and in these months, I have been able to link the missing parts of our short but enriching tale. And now, when I have made peace with the past and I know what I want for the future, I thought I should let you know - Our relationship was never meant to be because we truly are adjacent pieces from the same side of the block. When I stumbled, you picked me up, not to hug me but to help me walk forward. When I broke down, you wiped my tears but you attempted not to shred the cause into pieces. You always listened but never spoke much (I did not let you, did I?). Love stories have magic tied to their core and I guess ours had lot of companionship but very little magic. The embers of those memories are going to be gone soon, but before they go away altogether, I thought I should thank you Hardy, for bringing out my facets and help me carve my own destiny. When someone says I am very easy to talk to, I look nice when I smile, I am extremely confident and that I should write more, I tell them it was because there was a period in my life when I was able to walk hand in hand with a man of great perseverance.

Before I wind up, and before you decide not to trash this e-mail anyway (as I know you will not), I want to tell you that when you choose to move on (as I know for sure you will), please let your 'heart' choose her and not your 'mind'. Wishing you glorious sunrises and scenic sunsets all your life.

Oh Heavens! I forgot...

Be gentle on yourself, Hardy! I am learning to be...

Regards

Laurie